When the turn of a key in the front door is still not enough
According to the Canadian Women’s Foundation, one of the most common questions people ask is, “Why does she stay?’ The answer is quite simple - ‘Women often stay because the abuser has threatened to kill them if they leave, or to kill himself, or to kill the children.’
So what happens when a woman decides that her only way out of an abusive relationship is to leave? Most often, women will enter into an emergency shelter for 21 days and then move into community housing, or if safety is an issue, into second stage shelter. This is the case for ‘Maisha’, a Muslim, recent immigrant to Canada, and mother of two children. Not long after Maisha got married, the abuse started. However, that abuse intensified and increased after she had her two children. When Maisha reached out to her family for support, their response shocked her to the core. Her mother and brothers made it clear that they were taking the side of her abuser. They told her that she was to remain in the relationship, because to leave, would be to bring shame and dishonour to their family. Statistics show that the most dangerous time for an abused woman is when she attempts to leave, or leaves her abuser. That is when the risk of increased harm or worse, lethality occurs. Upon leaving, many women will seek a restraining order but can a piece of paper really keep us safe? ‘Approximately every six days, a woman in Canada is killed by her intimate partner. Out of the 83 police-reported intimate partner homicides in 2014, 67 of the victims—over 80%—were women.’
A few months passed, and Maisha finally took stock of her life; she was completely alone. She was isolated from her estranged family and therefore, her community as well. More importantly, she was afraid for her life and the lives of her children. Leaving the relationship was her only option so Maisha and her children moved into a home found for her by a housing liaison from the Community Housing Program. However, leaving her abuser did not put an end to her distress and suffering. Years of trauma and death threats had made her was so afraid for her life that she found herself constantly checking to see if she had locked her front door. Housing Liaison’s make sure that the homes our clients move into, are safe. Despite this, Maisha found herself waking up in the middle of the night to double check the doors and windows. Her fearful state started to overwhelm her. She lacked motivation, stayed at home and refused to meet with her counsellor, Dattu.
The good news is that Dattu, a highly skilled counsellor and knowledgeable about the complexities of domestic violence, did not give up on Maisha. She checked in with her regularly, and soon, Maisha felt safe enough to start meeting with her. Dattu made sure she not only had a safety plan; she reviewed it regularly, to keep her and her children safe in the community.
Maisha has worked really hard to get where she is today. She has moved into stable housing. She is working and has expressed an interest in starting school. In a recent meeting with Dattu, she said, “Without the help of Discovery House, I don’t know where I would be today.” Maisha also shared that she feels safe and she no longer checks to see if she locked her front door.
The road to recovery from a life of abuse is never easy; however, with skilled front line staff like Dattu and generous donors like you, we will change the lives of the women and children who access our services. Thank you for making Maisha and her family feel safe and have the ability to transform fear to hope and opportunity. www.discoveryhouse.ca
Karen and Bill's Story For not-for-profit organizations, volunteers and philanthropists are the lifeblood. For Karen and Bill, volunteering and philanthropy are an integral part of their lives. Karen and Bill’s work with Discovery House started over 14 years ago, with Bill volunteering as a board member. Over the years, his contribution of time and talent […]
Why Make it Monthly? During these uncertain times, our mission of providing critical support to women and children who have left situations of domestic violence and ending the cycle of family violence continues. That’s why we’re asking you to consider becoming a monthly donor. Joining our Hope Circle, our valued community of monthly donors, is […]
10 Fundraising Tips for the Calgary Marathon Charity Challenge So you’ve decided to commit to the Calgary Marathon Charity Challenge and run for Discovery House – congratulations! You’re not just running in Calgary’s biggest marathon but you’re going to help women and children fleeing domestic violence rebuild their lives! Are you thinking about joining the […]
My life's journey has taught me that I can do or achieve anything that I put my mind to. I was born and raised in West Africa, and I was married off to a much older man when I was in my early twenties. That marriage changed the direction of my life and remains my […]